Airhead
by Mulceber
Summary: House finds another method for dealing with Detective Tritter


Airhead

"You're not going to believe it," Wilson said confidently as he strode through the door to House's office. Finding the doctor typically alone, he walked over to the desk and sat down in one of his colleague's chairs.

"Cuddy's leaving the hospital to pursue a career as a topless dancer?" House asked in mock disbelief. "Oh…wait, that was just in my dream last night."

"Even better than that." Wilson said without pausing. "Michael Tritter had an epileptic seizure at work. He was admitted to the ER just today."

"So he's got epilepsy." House said bluntly. "Unfortunately, I don't think collapsing on the floor and writhing every five minutes is going to stop him from suing my ass. Sorry, Cuddy's fun-bags were more interesting."

Wilson shook his head. "No epilepsy in the family history."

"Brain cancer?" House said hopefully.

"Bingo." Wilson smiled.

Starting to grin in spite of himself, House suddenly stopped. "Wait a minute." he said, fixing Wilson with a piercing stare. "Since when are you happy that a patient could be dying?"

"This is Tritter!" Wilson said obviously. "Maybe we can work out some kind of deal. Who knows, he might be so grateful to the hospital that he'll drop the charges against you."

"That's what any decent human being would do," House nodded. "But in case you've been smoking the medical marijuana for the past couple months, I'll remind you; Tritter isn't a decent human being!"

"You're just saying that because you think that anyone who would so much as question your ethics must be evil," The oncologist replied skeptically.

"Fifty bucks." House said. "Fifty bucks says the copper goes right ahead and sues me once this is all done."

"Done," said Wilson. "I think you'll see some people actually have a conscience."

* * *

"Why the hell would I do that?" Tritter almost muttered.

"Well…" Wilson stammered. "Maybe out of a sense of…uh gratitude and generosity to…the hospital in general and the oncologist in particular that…saved you?"

The detective fixed him with a quizzical stare. His attention was then drawn to the silhouette of House standing in the doorway. "Not a chance."

* * *

"I think you owe me fifty bucks" House said as he was limping along side Wilson, who was walking back to his office.

"He could still change his mind."

"Yeah yeah yeah, just give me the money." House said dismissively.

Sighing, Wilson stopped and reached into his pocket to pull out a fifty dollar bill. Shaking his head he slapped the money into his ornery friend's hand and, turning, walked into his office.

* * *

The night air was cool as Greg walked onto the roof outside his office. Walking to the edge he leaned on the short wall and stared down into the darkness. The lights of cars leaving and cars arriving in the parking lot denoted the change in peoples' work shifts and House knew without even turning to look across the balcony at Wilson's office that the Oncologist had turned out the lights and was leaving for his quiet apartment.

Without his mind focused on any one thing in particular, the doctor's thoughts began to wander towards the subject of Tritter's surgery the next day. It would be short, no more than an hour or so to remove the tumor, which had been caught early. Then the bastard would be back to aiding the prosecution in whatever way he could.

Like a bubble rising to the surface of a pond, an insane idea entered Greg's head. Turning, he climbed over the barrier that divided his side of the balcony from Wilson's and stepped into his best friend's dark office. Walking over to the desk he saw the file on Tritter. Flipping through it, he found what he was looking for and, with a pencil, made the necessary changes.

* * *

"What the hell did you think you were doing?!" Cuddy yelled as she burst into House's office several days later. Looking around the table, House saw confusion as Cameron, Chase and Foreman all looked from her, to him, then to each other.

"God I don't know." House said sarcastically. "Although it might help if I knew what the hell you think I was doing."

Despite the fact that she was clearly out of breath she pressed on. "Detective Tritter, who was supposed to have a brain tumor removed, just had a LABOTOMY performed on him!"

House ignored the look of shock that befell his team. "Ooh…that probably isn't going to help his lawsuit…whoever was getting sued is probably very happy right now."

"How could you do this?" Cuddy replied hopelessly has she threw her arms up in frustration. "You couldn't have thought you would get away with removing a person's entire frontal lobe to pursue your own agenda!"

"That's probably what whoever did this thought as well." House said observantly. "They knew that when this went down, I would be the number one suspect and I'd be put away for a long time. So what we really have to figure out is who in this hospital hates me?"

"Everyone." Cuddy and the team responded in unison.

"The way I see it," House said, ignoring their previous comments. "We have three suspects: Foreman, Wilson and…Mark."

"Why the hell would I do it?!" Foreman almost shouted. As the neurologist you were assisting Wilson on Tritter's case; You had daily access to the files, unlike say…me, and you've got a criminal record. Plus it helps that you've always hated me and would love to see me sent to jail."

"That's ridiculous." Cuddy said, rubbing her eyes.

"Thank you!" Foreman said, turning to look at her.

"Which brings us to suspect number two: Wilson," House said matter-of-factly.

"You'd really send your best friend to jail to cover what you did?" Cuddy asked, exasperated.

"What can I say, I'm so broke up over this whole thing, I just want to see Justice served." House said, mocking sensitivity. "Wilson had even better access to the files than Foreman, and he was desperate to keep the both of us out of jail, so he may have taken what he saw as the only way out: killing the prosecution's star witness."

"I suppose it's possible," Cuddy sounded defeated. "If he was panicked enough he might have not realized that it had the potential to get him in even more trouble."

"But Wilson isn't looking half as guilty as my final suspect." House said dramatically. "Mark."

"What does Stacy's husband have to do with this?" Cameron asked.

"He was in the hospital right before Tritter's surgery because of his therapy, he knows that Stacy loves me more than she does him, and he might have figured out that she's still sleeping with me"

"She is?" Cameron suddenly began staring interestedly at House, as though transfixed by the possibilities this revelation had for his personal life.

"I'm such a romantic." House put her off before returning to the topic. "Plus it helps that Mark's hated my guts ever since he's known me."

"So what, you want me to go check how late Mark stayed here that night?" Cuddy asked.

"Yep."

"Fine," she said, shaking her head. Turning, she began to walk out the door, but stopped when her cell phone rang. Fumbling, she opened it up and put it to here ear. "Hello?" she said. The conversation went on briefly, but House could see the look of surprise that was painted on her face when it ended.

"Good news?" he asked.

"Tritter's family isn't going to press charges." Cuddy said, sounding very much surprised. "Apparently, they hated him too."


End file.
